...Makes the Heart Grow Fonder?
Someone explain this to me…why did I go from niddah to niddah? Strength to strength I can understand…
Backing up: I made the decision to wean…after all, the child has turned two. OK, so said child only nursed sometimes before bed and each morning upon waking.
I’d been on a low-dose pill since my post-partum check up. When the child was nursing lots (earlier on), there was no spotting, no nothing. I nursed clean and counted myself very fortunate. But, when the child started really cutting back last Spring, I thought I had a period. I asked a shailah, counted, checked and went to the mikvah for the first time in almost two years. And then, nothing…for several months.
A few weeks back the spouse and I were going through a challenging couple of weeks. I was probably being not the best example of an Eishet Hayil and his work schedule wasn’t helping matters. Add niddah into the mix and you have a couple of cranky people.
After doing the counting and checking, I discovered that mikvah night fell out on the same night the spouse has a big deal work dinner. Have to admit it was rather odd to get a baby sitter for late on a weeknight for basically a half hour. Oh and factor into the mix that I was frantically preparing for the biggest Shabbat dinner of our lives. We were hosting an internationally-known Jewish figure and his spouse. It was a make-or-break dinner for the spouse and his career. No pressure there.
After going to the mikvah (the first time using the new one in town…gorgeous!) I resume power cooking. It’s nearly 1 am, the spouse is not yet home and the challah dough is finally made. I’m standing at the counter reading up on how many cups of flour are needed in order to “take” challah. I start to feel some cramping. Weird.
Just after 1 the spouse staggers in, complements me on the Shabbos table and my preparations and goes upstairs. I follow. He’s zonked but remembers to ask how the mikvah was. I excuse myself to brush teeth and go to the bathroom. And, whamo!
I know one isn’t supposed to look at the tissue but this was full on. No hedging or getting around it. No pretending. We were back to the “no fly zone” without ever being cleared for take off. I’ve never experienced anything like this.
Next morning I hold the baby and say that this is the last time we’re nursing. I tried to engrave the image and feeling in my heart and made a bracha. I also called the doctor, who said that it’s normal to experience this situation as my body readjusts to weaning. Um, great, thanks.
We’re back to that ketchup commercial. Remember “Anticipation?” And I could really use a back rub. Oh, and that special pedicure I had arranged for Friday morning – the one with the bright nail polish…it’ll all have to come off again soon. Still, the dinner was an amazing success and the spouse and I are closer than ever. Perhaps this was what we needed?
TrackBacks
Comments
Ouch. The closest I came to that was when I started staining again the *next* night... after going out with a girlfriend for some "shopping therapy" (just the grocery store, but away from the kids!) Needless to say, husband was not anxious to let me go out with her again when I was tahor!
It was still painful and annoying. I *was* still nursing, but intermittantly, the Rabbi and Doctor said it was hormonal and normal, and it never happened again.
As a side note, I firmly believe that the whole on-again off-again cycle (however yours actually falls, not the "standard") is supposed to be exactly what your relationship needs.... if you've seen this at work, then I guess it was a "good" thing? Hoping you won't reexperience it though, because frankly, (as I'm sure you know) that sort of experience sucks!
Wow...so disappointing. Hang in there.
wow, i know that feeling.
last week i had this weired story, i had done all the preparations for mikvah at home and was all done when i made my last final bedikah of the day, and it was full of blood !!! ( i take birth control ) we send it to dayan,and no he said cant go to mikvah its too red.
the next morning i was sad and thinking this could have been a clean day already when i found the bedikah in the envelope my husband had taken it to the dayan with. i looked at it again and realized it looked much more brown then red.
my husband took it to the dayan again, and low and behold he said kosher!!! and i was able to go to the mikvah that very day!!!, this teaches us a lesson that at night a bedikah can look way different then by day with day light!!!
Whoa, Latte - I can't imagine how tough that is and I hope it only gets easier. Your scenario is a fear of mine since I've had some spotting issues; I wouldn't have imagined that timing could be _quite_ so bad. On the other hand, I'm glad to hear that you are doing well in terms of closeness with your spouse, and that the dinner went so well.
By the way, rifky, aside from the lighting making a bedikah look different, the color itself may very well have changed as it dried. That happens to me frequently - pinkness often turns more brown by the time I can show something to somebody a few hours later. But the rabbi/yoetzet can only base judgement on what they see in front of them at the time, I suppose.
these days, i'd be in a place of deep frustration if i were following t'h... i'm in my first year of seasonale, the continuous birth control pills. first three months, no bleeding. second three month cycle, bleeding for 2 weeks mid-cycle. third cycle (now), bleeding 3 weeks mid-cycle with no end in sight.
totally normal, says my doctor and all the literature that goes along with it. should wane the longer i'm on the darn things. but geez... it's summer, i want to wear white linen pants (how shallow is this?)
anyhow, if i were one of y'all i might be a stark raving lunatic.
GG, that's one of the main reasons you won't see me on Seasonale... it sounded like a dream (no bleeding except 4x a year!) until I read the fine print (except for unpredictable bleeding the rest of the time! and possibly heavier than you started out with!) I'm sure the bleeding was not the main reason you went on it, or you'd have stopped by now too. ;)
Still, my understanding is that, while many BCPs can create serious difficulty in getting to the mikvah, if after mikvah the bleeding is just spotting rather than a real flow, it would not necessarily make you a niddah. You'd have to wear dark underwear, use dark sheets, not look at tissues, etc.
None of which would help in the case of full flow like Latte's. I'm sorry, and admire the calm with which you handled it. I hope you get back to mikvah soon.
You can use any of these birth control pills back to back...two or three packets together. Ask your doctor about it.
I tried that one year, and the first 6 months or so were heaven...........then I got very moody...... and started gaining weight like no tomorrow!
Needless to say, I'm back on the monthly cycle.
Latte, wow - you sound so calm and so positive. I think I'd be pulling my hair out! How frustrating, but what a great attitude you're having.
Latte, I feel for you. I really do. I started to bleed at the mikvah. Twice. I basically had bleeding for four months straight after the birth of my first due to the mini-pill. I was really inexperienced (and I guess stupid) and when the dr's office kept saying "It's normal, it's normal" I just resigned myself to what essentially were seven day cycles where I didn't bleed just long enough to get clean and then I started to bleed either right before I immersed or immediately after (and once it didn't happen until the next morning.) When my dr. suggested I try the mini pill again after the birth of my second because "each time is different" I just looked at him with utter bewilderment. As sensitive as he is to TM issues, sometimes they really just don't get it.
Avigayil -
It's totally one of those YMMV things - I ended up on the mini-pill while nursing, and had NO cycle until about 6 weeks after the baby self-weaned (age 1). With a previous child (and no BC), I got my period back by 4 months postpartum, before I was sleeping nights, before he was on solids at all.
Not that I would recommend giving it 4 months of misery, but each birth MAY do different things to your hormones.
Is the mini-pill the same as the progesterone-only pill? That one is notorious for breakthrough bleeding. At least among my acquaintances of 2 who used it. ;)
I'm sure Michal is right - your experience the first time might not predict the next. But if I were Avigayil, having been burned once, I don't think there's any way I'd try it again. The odds aren't worth the consequences.
But hey, it worked, right? Can't get pregnant while bleeding constantly! Sorry, that wasn't very nice. (and was completely tongue-in-cheek.)
Doesn't sound like a pleasant "learning experience," Avigayil, and I certainly don't blame you for not wanting to got that route again, at all!
Like when I went to my doc after my mid-cycle bleeding episode (which had never happened before, and I wanted to make sure it wasn't going to be every month like that!) and by the time I got in with her I was at least in whites again, and may possibly have gotten to mikvah again already. I told her the bleeding had completely stopped, but she needed to "check to be sure" because it might have gotten past my cervix without me noticing if it were really minimal... umm, not if I was doing twice daily bedikahs! We'd discussed the whole bedikah thing before, but she wasn't even Jewish, and I guess she forgot or didn't realize the significance. Or understand why I was freaking out over a 14 day cycle.
Desde, don't worry about your comment- it was the first time I have ever laughed about my situation!
The mini-pill is the progesterone only pill, and I only found out about the breakthrough bleeding issues after the fact (I really was in some kind of daze.) And yes, I would never try it again. Those four months were the absolute worst in my five year marriage. I used a diaphragm last time and while I do like ocs better, it is fine enough.
Regarding the progesterone-only pill, it worked great the first time I used it...several years ago...and not so great this time.
I'm now back on the regular OCs. Happily, everything feels "normal." OK, as normal as one feels while ingesting these hormones.
And, for the praise for my good attitude, you can take it all back. It lasted for a day or so until after the big deal dinner. Then the spouse and I had a wicked fight. OK, so I kinda (justafiably) started it. I was - at least in my mind - understandably ticked as we had our perpetual fight about him ignoring my birthday and our anniversary.
And he had to bring up my being niddah and no intimacy. (Compounded by his out-of-control work and travel schedule for weeks before - when I was available so...you get the picture...)
Do you think two periods in a row might have something to do with it? (Sarcasm fully intended.)
Thanks for the support, everyone. We're back in the whites and the spouse and I are getting back on track. Hopefully the planets will align soon.
tall latte, you mean i'm not the only one who gets her period MORE OFTEN when stressed out? because growing up, there were always those stories about girls who missed month after month, or were irregular, because of stress. in my world, stress brings it on like a thunderclap.
First, I'm sending everyone here who commented big *****HUGS*****. I have never had the above happen to me. Similar experiences - had a OBGYN appointment that made me niddah right after the mikvah, and another time I had started counting post-birth and then had to start again, etc. but not got my period right after the mikvah. This must be terribly terribly frustrating.
I send you all brochas that Hashem gives you koychos back for all that you put into your observance of TH. We are emotional creatures that do for G-d what sometimes pushes our emotional boundaries.
Think good and it will be good.
It shouldn't take hardship to grow together. It shouldn't have, to anyway! Much hatzlocho!